Let’s Talk About Sex (Therapy): What It Really Is and Isn’t

When people hear the phrase “sex therapy,” they often imagine something wildly dramatic— they picture someone in the corner of a bedroom, clipboard in hand, watching people do it and offering tips. Let’s go ahead and clear that up.

Contrary to the awkward jokes I hear at parties, sex therapy has nothing to do with live-action anything, and everything to do with connection, healing, and agency.

It’s not shameful, scandalous, or something you should only consider when things are falling apart.

Honestly? Sex therapy can be one of the most empowering, healing experiences out there. (And sure, I might be a little biased, but not wrong.)

And guess what? It often doesn’t even start with sex.

If you find yourself making assumptions about what sex therapy is—or judging the idea of someone being a sex therapist—pause for a second. Ask yourself where those beliefs came from. What were you taught about sex, about people who talk about sex, and about what’s “appropriate” to explore in therapy?

Because here’s the thing: the discomfort you feel? That might not be about me. It might just be the very reason this work matters.

And for clients who come from religious backgrounds, know this:

Your faith is welcome here.

You don’t have to let go of your beliefs to explore your sexuality. In fact, many people find that sex therapy helps them untangle shame from spirituality and build a more compassionate, integrated view of themselves. We make space for both sacred values and sexual health without forcing either into a box.

So, What Is Sex Therapy, Really?

Sex therapy is a specialized form of psychotherapy that helps individuals and couples explore concerns related to sexual functioning, desire, intimacy, identity, and pleasure without shame or judgement. While the word “sex” grabs attention, much of the work is rooted in what’s happening in your body, your nervous system, your relationships, and your story.

For some, sex therapy looks like untangling years of shame from religious beliefs or rigid gender roles. For others, it’s about learning to feel safe in their body again after trauma or medical issues. It might involve processing pain during sex, navigating hormonal changes, or redefining intimacy in a long-term relationship that’s gotten stuck in survival mode.

And at its core? Sex therapy is about intentionality—making space for honest conversations, emotional presence, and physical connection that’s rooted in choice, not obligation. It’s about learning to communicate more clearly, express what you want (or don’t want), and reconnect with your body, your partner, or yourself in a way that feels aligned.

Sex therapy blends psychological insight with sexual health education, integrating theories from trauma therapy, attachment work, mindfulness, and nervous system regulation. Therapists (like me) may also incorporate interventions like sensate focus, cognitive reframing, EMDR, and psychoeducation around anatomy and arousal.

Sex Therapy Myths I Wish Would Retire Already

Let’s break down a few of the most common myths about sex therapy:

Myth #1: Sex therapists just want to talk about sex all the time.

Sure, we’re comfortable with the topic—but we’re also trained in trauma, relationships, attachment, anxiety, identity, communication, and so much more. Trust me, we see the bigger picture.

Myth #2: Sex should not be that important.

Intimacy, connection, and sexual well-being aren’t “extras”—they’re central to how we feel loved, seen, and emotionally safe. When we dismiss sex as unimportant, we often overlook deeper needs for closeness, validation, and expression. It’s not about frequency—it’s about meaning.

Myth #3: The goal is to “fix” you or make you more sexual.

Nope. The goal is to help you feel more like yourself—whoever that is, in this season of life.

More Than a Bedroom Issue: Why People Really Come to Sex Therapy

Sometimes it’s about sex. A lot of times, it’s not. Here's what often brings people in:

When Hormones Hijack the Mood

Menopause, perimenopause, low testosterone, postpartum shifts, and thyroid or HRT changes can all take a real toll on libido, energy, and body connection. When your hormones are out of sync, desire can flatline—sometimes without warning. Sex therapy can help you make sense of what’s hormonal, what’s emotional, and how to reconnect with your body and your wants in this version of you.

When Trauma’s Still in the Room

Whether you’ve experienced sexual trauma, medical trauma, religious shame, or childhood neglect, those experiences don’t just disappear. If your body shuts down, tenses up, or avoids intimacy altogether—those are survival responses, not failures. In sex therapy, we work gently and at your pace to rebuild a sense of safety, presence, and trust—starting from where you are, not where someone else says you should be.

When the Disconnect Runs Deeper

Intimacy struggles aren’t always about sex itself, they’re often about feeling unseen, exhausted, or emotionally out of sync. Maybe you’re recovering from betrayal, drowning in parenting roles, or living like roommates instead of partners. Sex therapy helps name those disconnects and make space for realignment, through communication, emotional safety, and sometimes just learning how to slow down and reconnect.

When You’re Exploring Who You Are

Sometimes the work isn’t about “fixing” anything—it’s about discovering who you are now. Whether you’re navigating your gender, exploring non-monogamy, reimagining desire after illness or grief, or simply trying to feel good in your body again, sex therapy holds space for all of it. You don’t have to shrink or explain yourself here. You just get to be real—and that’s where the good stuff starts.

Let me know if you'd like these dropped into the full blog or used as standalone posts. They’re also great for a mini-email series or carousel!

Real Talk: Sex Therapy and Trauma Go Hand in Hand

When trauma is involved (and it often is), sex therapy becomes a place to slow way down.

We work with:

• Your nervous system: Understanding how stress or trauma shows up as avoidance, shutdown, or hypervigilance.

• Your attachment style: How trust, closeness, and vulnerability feel in your body.

• Your autonomy: Reclaiming your “yes,” your “no,” and your “not yet.”

  
  

As Emily Nagoski explains in her (amazing) book "Come As You Are", arousal doesn’t thrive in pressure—it thrives in safety. That’s where we begin.

Intimacy Is the Real MVP

Let’s be real—sex therapy isn’t actually about having more sex. It’s about having more authentic connection. More presence. More understanding. More “I feel safe with you” moments that matter way more than what’s happening between the sheets.

Because intimacy? That’s the stuff that fuels everything. It’s the late-night conversations. The shared vulnerability. The ability to say, “I’m scared” or “I want this” and know you’ll be met with respect—not rejection. Great relationships aren't built on sexual performance, rather emotional safety and honest communication.

In sex therapy, we work on deepening those foundations. That might mean learning to talk about desire without defensiveness, navigating mismatched libidos without blame, or finding your way back to each other after emotional distance, betrayal, or burnout.

We’re not just talking about sex. We’re talking about how you connect when life gets loud, when the spark feels dim, or when your nervous system needs time before your body follows. That’s intimacy, and that’s what truly transforms relationships.

If We Were Wrapping Up a Session…

…I might ask you to pause and just notice—What’s coming up for you right now?

Maybe it’s relief. Maybe it’s discomfort. Maybe it’s curiosity, or a quiet little voice saying “this might be what I need.”

Whatever you're feeling, it matters. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to feel “ready.” You just have to be willing to explore—with compassion, not judgment.

Because sex therapy isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about coming home to yourself, with tenderness, clarity, and permission to be fully human.

Final Reminder:

You’re allowed to want more—connection, clarity, pleasure, peace.

Sex therapy isn’t about performance. It’s about feeling at home in your body and your relationships.

If something in you felt seen while reading this, trust that. It’s worth exploring.